i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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