Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
