Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
