no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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