So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
