And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
