So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
