I will die if light touches me.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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