I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
