So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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