Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
