You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
