they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
