she woke up with a sticky ear
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Randomize
