they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
