You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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