you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
