Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
