upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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