Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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