I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
