woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
