just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
