operation harelip BJ is a go
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hippo gnu deer
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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