i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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