Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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