i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
