I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
