I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
