I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
