I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
