rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
