I got chris browned last night
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
