i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
