I wanna passion pit in your ass
someone owes me an orgasm
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
