You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
