she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
