I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm like, not good at living.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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