I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
