Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
