He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
