Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
