we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
