so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
