Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
