dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
