3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
