These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
