i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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