i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
