id be glad to
thus making me awesome and them whores
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
