I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
send nudes
from the living room?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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