and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
