I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
