So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
