and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
